If you’re still confused over what makes a workout “Stone Age tough,” these top ten cave-dweller routines will clear things up.
Imagine the grueling workouts our ancestors had to endure, sharing harsh environments with powerful predators. Humans evolved to be fast, agile, lean, limber and strong. Their very survival depended on it.
Today, thanks to modern technology, we are weak shadows of our robust past. Let’s take back the power and start working out like prehistoric man did when he stalked and captured prey, dragged it home, and battled and escaped from predators.
Here are 10 brutal workouts to put you to the test. Just 2-4 per day will be sufficient as supplements to your regular workouts.
A note of caution before you begin: Be sure to always warm up, listen to your body and don’t overtrain.
1. Sizzling Staircase Dumbbell Dash – Stand at top of a long staircase, perhaps one at your gym, holding a 40 pound dumbbell in each hand. Jog down, then run up as fast as possible, holding the weights the entire time. Repeat three more times, two-minute rest in between.
2. Scorching Steep Hill Sprint – Find a hill between 20-30 percent grade and charge up as fast as possible for 20-30 seconds. Repeat four more times with three-minute rests in between.
3. Tormenting Treadmill Incline Hop – Set treadmill to 15 percent grade and speed at 4 mph. For 15-30 seconds, jump repeatedly with both feet at the same time, hands in the air for control (don’t hold onto the treadmill; cavemen had nothing to hold onto). Walk easily at zero incline for a few minutes, then repeat two more times at 4.5 mph and 5 mph.
4. Roaring Renegade Row – This routine will hammer your entire body. Place two 40 pound dumbbells on floor; get into pushup position (using feet, not knees), hands on dumbbells. Push up; while supporting yourself with left hand (still on dumbbell), “row” the other dumbbell towards chest, driving elbow towards ceiling. Next, return dumbbell to floor, do a pushup, then repeat row with other arm, do a pushup, and row again with the right arm, until 7-10 pushups are completed. Position dumbbells for a deadlift; perform 20 deadlifts with the weights. Sorry, no oxygen masks allowed.
5. Dreadful Deadlift – Use a starting load that’s your 10-12 reps max. Do five sets but take only 45 second rests. You may need to reduce the weight load to maintain 10-12 reps.
6. Squeamish Explosive Squat + Squat Jump – Load a Smith machine with enough weight to perform 20 rapid, 90-degree squats. Do five sets but rest only 45 seconds in between. Don’t reduce weight; do as many reps as possible up to 20. Right after last set, do squat jumps to exhaustion.
7. Punishing Pull-up + Chest Press – Do pull-ups to exhaustion, then immediately do chest presses on a machine (8-10 reps max). Repeat four more times with two-minute rests.
8. Horrendous 100-Meter Dash – Sprint as fast as possible the straightaway of a school track; very slowly walk the bend; sprint the next straightaway, for 4-6 total sprints.
9. Cruel Clean-and-Press – Place barbell on floor, pick up as in a deadlift (bent knees), reverse curl it, then press overhead: 8-12 rep max. Repeat four more times with two-minute rests.
10. Torturing Tractor Tire Flip – If your gym has a tire or you know someone who does, perform 5-10 flips in a row if possible. Rest three minutes and repeat.
If any of these routines seem impossible, then count yourself afflicted with modern-man disease. You need to practice hard at becoming a true Caveman. Start out by using lighter weights than prescribed, and always use proper form, especially with deadlift motions.
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